The Secret Life of Snape
by SnapeFan13
Summary: This is a story about Snape. And his secret life. Need I say more?


Okay. I wrote this story at the beginning of the year and I have finally stopped being lazy enough to type it. I hope you like it. This is my first fanfic so please bear with me.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or anything. Please do not sue because I need to spend my money on sports equiptment.  
  
Please R&R. Especially all you people out there who know where Bloody Lily lives.  
  
Just go to negrounds.com and search by title for either Bothering Snape or Potter Puppet Pals and it's the one by neil c(I forget)  
  
So...here goes.  
  
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Chapter One: Bothering Snape  
Professor Snape was sitting in his office at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, grading the essays on the properties of a moonstone he had assigned last week in the potions class he taught.  
  
"Let's see what we have here...Hmm...Potter...D! Weasley...P! Granger...A! Ahh! My favorite student... Malfoy. O! At Last! All done! Now for some fun."  
  
Snape spun around to face his computer. He had asked Professor Dumbledore to place a charm on his office so he could surf the internet. Though he pretended to hate muggles, mudloods, and muggle lovers, in reality, Snape loved muggle technology.  
  
"Let's see if there is any news for me today shall we, Foofoo?" He turned around to look at his pet bunny rabbit. "Come here Foofoowoofoo. Come to daddy-waddy." Snape said in a cute little voice.  
  
He clicked on a link he found searching for himself on google. "Hmm...let's take a look at this." Snape stared at the screen unable to tear his eyes away.  
  
"Bothering Snape! We better find out what this is about, don't you think my little cuddly wuddly." Snape glanced down at Foofoo and saw that he was chewing on his robe.  
  
"That's it! Now you are going to your cage and STAYING there. Don't you pull that face on me! Now GO!" Snape leaned over the cage as Foofoo hopped in. "There now. That's better. Are you all comfy-womfy?"  
  
"Umm...Professor Snape???" A little voice came from behind Snape. Snape wheeled around to see who had spoken. A little girl with long red hair and blue eyes with golden flecks in them was standing there. In a very cold tone that was usually reserved for Potter, Snape sneered, "What's your name, girl?"  
  
"I'm Alana Katarina Violet Beowula Dumbledore. I was just sorted into Gryffindor." In a change of tone so sweet, it made you wonder if Snape might be sucking up to Dumbledore he replied, "What do you want, princess?"  
"I was just visiting all of my teachers. But I do have a question for you-Snape went livid and prayed it wasn't about Foofoo-What kind of potions will we be brewing?" "All sorts, my precious. Now you should get back to your common room before lights out."  
  
Alana made a disappointed face and said, "B-but, but, I was hoping you could show me a thing or two first because I can just tell that Potions will be my favorite subject." Alana turned slowly to go. "Okay. Come along." Katarina literally bounced after Snape.  
  
After showing Katarina some basic potion brewing methods, Snape sent her back to the Gryffindor common room. He headed back to his office and said to himself, "I can finally see what Bothering Snape is about."  
  
But then he saw something that made his temple pulse. "Foofoo! You got out of the cage! And you made another poo on the carpet!" Snape pointed his wand at the pile of dung and said, "Evanesco."  
  
By the time he successfully managed to get Foofoo back in his cage, it was three o'clock in the morning. "Three o'clock! Oh dear! Let's watch this little 'puppet show' quickly, before the hour grows too late." Snape turned on the speakers and watched.  
  
"What?! Who dared to come up with that! They will pay! Why! Why! The dishonor of Professor Dumbledore! And me! Though I loathe Potter and Weasley isn't my favorite student, I most certainly not kill them! I must destroy this 'puppet show'!"  
  
Snape worked for an hour trying to get rid of the show but he was no closer to that than becoming the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. "Confound it! Look at the bloody time! Eight o'clock already! I shall return to this later!"  
  
When Snape turned off the computer, he drank a potion to keep away sleep and went to the Great Hall for breakfast. On the way there, he was suddenly attacked by Harry Potter and Ron Weasly shouting at the top of their lungs, "Bother! Bother! Bother!"  
  
"Stop it right now you two! Twenty points from Gryffindor!" Finally, Harry and Ron stopped. Snape started to walk again and had gone no more than ten steps when Harry and Ron came back. "Bother! Bother! Bother! Bother!"  
  
"Thirty points from Gryffindor!" "Bother! Bother! Bother!" "Cut it out right now!" "Bother! Bother! Bother! Bother!" "Arghh! Slyfangdapoperas!"  
  
There was a big cloud of glittering green smoke. Snape started to cough. When the smoke finally cleared, two rabbits were standing where Harry and Ron had been moments before. "Oh no!"  
  
Dumbledore came over to Snape. "Hello, Severus!" He looked down at the ground. "Look! Two pairs of pants are on the ground! Let's see what is in the pockets." While Dumbledore was robbing Harry and Ron, Snape slipped away.  
  
"Alas! Two sickles and a dungbomb! It's my lucky day!" Dumbledore looked down at the Mauradurs's Map that he had confisticated from Fred and George a few days before.  
  
"Everyone is in the Great Hall! Yay! I can do my naked dance!" The two rabbits looked at each other and quickly headed off to the Great Hall to look for Hermione. Dumbledore waved his wand and some music that sounded like what you would hear at a circus came on. Dumbledore started to do the disco. Eventually he put his clothes back on and headed back to the Great Hall.  
  
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Well, I hope you liked it. Please review. I'll try and write my next chapter soon. 


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